317 Lies
by Thre3
Summary: "It wasn't self defense, it was murder." SET S5. Draws inspiration from 5x03 & 5x05 This story is a new version of one I've written before. Beckett has spent half her life bringing justice to victims of crimes. Now she has done the unthinkable and committed one herself.
1. Chapter 1

Follow me on Twitter - FFThre3

**A/N:** This is set in S5 but is not canon with the show. If you recognise the name of this story or anything about this story it is because I uploaded it once but didn't like it so I deleted it. I am now writing it again and I hope it is better than the first one.

**Disclaimer**: Do not Own Castle.

.

.

.

"2 years ago today, at 11.00pm," Kate explained.

"You remember the time?" he asked her, with raised eyebrows.

She looked at him and scoffed, "You're not likely to forget the night you killed someone,"

.

_2 years ago._

All she could hear was the sound of her own heart beating loudly. She stood there. Still. Staring at the body of water below her and the hole in the side of the bridge. Of course, she was not alone. But she may as well have been. He got out of his car and ran to her.

The wind bustled through her hair and she looked at Castle. He was saying something to her but she couldn't quite comprehend what it was. He was like a faint sound in comparison to what she was really hearing.

"Are you okay!?" he asked. He was yelling at her because she wasn't responding.

She started breathing heavely, "What happened?" she whispered.

"I don't know. I was driving behind you and you started to swirve and go berserk. You were driving like a crazy person. Are you ok?" Castle turneed Beckett towards him. She seemed disoriented and her eyes were drooping.

She looked at the side of Manhattan Bridge, where the car she had hit had skidded and gone over the bridge into the River. She tried hard to remember what happened. But her memory was fuzzy and all she could think of was the few minutes before she crashed.

...Kate was driving and Castle was following behind. She took a sip of her coffee and when she tried to put it back in the cup holder, she dropped it. She cursed under her breath and looked into the rearview mirror at Castle. She blinked when her eyesight was becoming fuzzy.

Dismissing it as being fatigue, she quickly turned her sights to the road again.

Kate took one hand of the wheel to knuckle her eye. She was on her way to her apartment and Castle had insisted one following her home after a threat one of her suspects had made.

When she placed her hadn back on the wheel, she blinked rapidly to get rid of the tired feeling that was overcoming her. She looked at the car that was coming her way, it was speeding. She saw who was inside, it was the suspect the Precinct had in custody. He was driving directly towards her.

She swirved as quickly as she could but she hit him and went into a skidding spiral totally out of control. He hit the side of the bridge hard. She slammed the brakes and closed her eyes, resisting the urge to fall asleep.

Beckett got out of her car and walked to where the car should have been. It was gone, and all the was left was the hole in the bridge...

"Kate," Castle snapped her out of her train of thought.

"He...He was coming...for me," she said with wide eyes. She felt dizzy as Castle slid in and out of focus.

"Who? The other driver was in the right lane. You swirved and practically drove into him! What happened?" he looked at her with worried eyes as he himself realised what she had done.

"What...what..." Kate raised one hand to her head and in one swift motion, she collapsed.

It wasn't self defense, it was murder.

.

**A/N:** Let me know what you thought of it. I don't know if I should continue this or not.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Thank you to Sezza for helping me with this chapter.

**Disclaimer**: Don't Own Castle.

.

.

.

Kate lay limp in Castle's arms. He couldn't figure out what to do next. Kate had killed someone. But he wasn't worried about that right now.

His mind was racing as he tried to think of what to with Kate, he didn't know what had happened to her. She needed an ambulance, no doubt. But how would he explain this situation…this _crime scene_?

_Lanie_. He needed to call Lanie.

As he held Kate with one arm, Castle fumbled in his pockets for his phone and speed-dialled Lanie.

"_Castle_?" she asked.

"Lanie! Thank God! I need your help, its Kate! She's unconscious. I don't…I don't know what happened exactly-"

"Slow down, is she breathing?" Lanie said in as a clam a voice as she could muster.

"Just barely," Castle answered through a gulp. He explained that Kate crashed her car and told Lanie where they were right now. She instructed him to put in the recovery position, mainly because she could barely understand what he was saying in his panicked state.

"I'll be there in no more than 20 minutes," Lanie said before hanging up the phone.

As promised, Lanie arrived at the scene in 12 minutes because she drove over the speed limit. There was hardly any traffic at this time of night, so she parked her car on the side of the bridge near Castle's.

She saw him with his hands through his hair. He looked so scared and stressed. It was something she hoped never to see again.

But it hurt Lanie even more to see her best friend lying unconscious like that. Castle had put his jacket down on the floor and carefully placed Kate on top of it.

"Oh my God," she said under her breath, trying to keep herself strong. She knelt down next to Kate and felt her weak pulse.

"Is she going to be okay?" Castle asked with a broken voice. Lanie nodded in acknowledgement. From what she could see, nothing was broken.

The thought of airbags crossed Lanie's mind.

"Castle, why didn't you call an ambulance?" Lanie asked with a frown.

"I called you," he said. "I called you because…"

Lanie continued tending to Kate as Castle spoke, trying to figure out why she unconscious. It couldn't have been shock, it must have been some sort of injury.

"I don't know what happened Lanie. She swerved and crashed her car into someone else and I don't-"

"Where's the other car?" Lanie interrupted. "You told me she crashed, you never said into _someone else_."

"That's why I didn't dial 911. The car went over the bridge. She killed someone Lanie,"

"But it was an accident," she said.

"No, she purposely swerved into the other car. I don't know why! It's like she was hallucinating or something. She was totally delirious when she got out of the car,"

Without thinking about it for another minute, Lanie dialled 911.

"Almost like she'd been drugged…" Lanie said to herself putting things together in her mind.

"_911, what is your_-"

Lanie hung up the phone and turned back to Castle.

"Castle, I can't call anyone until we know how to explain this," she said quickly.

"We can't leave her like this! Lanie she's unconscious!" he yelled.

"Calm down. Tell me everything you know about what happened. If she was drugged I need to know how it got in her system, how much she's ingested and how long ago,"

Castle thought for a moment until it occurred to him, she was drinking coffee.

"Her coffee," he said. "In her car," he pointed to the vehicle and started jogging to the driver's side while Lanie waited with Kate. He brought the cup back Lanie smelt it.

Castle sat on the floor next to Kate and held her hand. Behind Kate, Castle could hear Lanie talking to the police on the phone. Once she was done, she came back and told him that Kate had definitely been drugged but she couldn't be sure of what type of drug it was. They couldn't risk taking any more time, the clock was ticking and Kate was becoming weaker, not stronger.

.

.

.

Lanie and Castle saw the occasional passing car before the ambulance arrived, but no one stopped to see what was wrong. Neither one of them knew how to explain what had happened to any passing stranger, so they were grateful for nobody stopping.

The ambulance arrived in less time than Lanie did. Whilst they waited for the ambulance, Castle told Lanie to ride in the ambulance with Kate and he would find a way to get both their cars to the hospital. Calling Ryan and Espo was their top priority.

Castle would drive his own car. Espo would drive Lanie's and Ryan could tow Beckett's car.

Espo and Ryan came in one car shortly after the police arrived at the scene. Before anyone could get their hands on Lanie or Castle, Kevin and Javier jogged up to them in hopes to find out everything they know. The first person they questioned was Castle.

"Can you tell us exactly what happened?" Ryan asked with a worried expression splayed across his features.

He took a deep breath before answering.

"It's my fault."

.

.

.

**A/N**: I hope that everyone likes it. Please tell me if you don't so I can stop embarrassing myself ;D


	3. Happy Four Years Of Castle

**Happy Four Years of Castle! **

**March 9, Booyah! (2009-13) **

**A/N**: Part of this chapter is based on my personal experiences from waking up from unconsciousness.

**Disclaimer**: Don't Own Castle.

.

.

.

"_Can you tell us exactly what happened?" Ryan asked with a worried expression splayed across his features. _

_He took a deep breath before answering. _

"_It's my fault."_

.

.

.

Beckett awoke to the sounds of loud chatter, it sounded like Castle's voice. Before she could physically find the will to open her eyes, she had an image in her head of what she remembers seeing. All that came to mind was the cold, hard ground of the bridge where the accident was and then suddenly the image was gone. Everything was completely black until she opened her eyes to the sight of bright lights, a blinding white.

"Kate?" she heard her name and turned to where the voice was coming from. It was Lanie. Beckett lifted her head up to get a clear view of her friend. Castle's loud chatter wasn't there anymore and there was no floor in sight. She was instead greeted with a hand pushing her head back down onto a pillow.

It took Kate a few moments to figure out where she was. She was in the back of an ambulance on its way to the hospital and Lanie was riding with her. Everything was happening so fast, only one thought kept running through her head as she tried to remember what happened. _Where's Rick? Why isn't he here with her?_

She blinked hard and swallowed the lump in her throat, examining her surroundings. Lanie was about to open her mouth to speak but before she could, the ambulance had come to a halt and she was being wheeled into the hospital.

Kate wasn't comfortable in this position. She felt vulnerable and weak. She shuffled slightly in her stretcher, or at least she thought it was only slightly. Lanie wasn't comfortable with this either, it reminded her too much or her friend's shooting. Only this time, _Kate's_ life wasn't on the line, _Castle's_ was.

Lanie kept running the event on replay in her mind. How he had lied for Kate. How he had told Ryan and Espo a different story about the car accident. What was he doing? What was he thinking? Lanie knew deep down all too well what he was thinking. He was thinking about Kate. He was thinking about the woman he loves and has cared about for so many years.

A tear rolled down Lanie's cheek as she got into the ambulance with Beckett. She sat beside her and watched her friend's eyes droop slowly in fatigue and confusion. Kate couldn't speak.

She didn't know what to say.

Lanie had previously been informed to watch Kate carefully, for if she should fall unconscious again, it was not a good sign. Before Lanie could open her mouth and say another word, Kate's eyes had closed. Lanie was quick to jump up on her feet. She was definitely on alert tonight.

"Kate?" she said to herself. Many thoughts raced through her mind. _What had just happened? Was she asleep or was she unconscious again?_

.

.

.

Richard Castle arrested for murder. He ran the nights events over and over again in his head. Everything had happened so fast, it was a rush. He wasn't even sure of what he was doing. Castle would slowly slip in and out of light headedness as he thought about Kate in hospital. He breathed deeply and took in his surroundings; nothing had changed since he was last here. When Tyson had made sure he was here. When Kate was here, comforting him.

Castle turned his head and was startled to see Ryan standing on the other side of the thin, dirty bars. He stood up and moved towards the cell's door.

"Ryan…"

"Castle. What's going on?" Ryan asked him shortly.

"I told you everything I remember about what happened," Castle replied. He turned stiffly and sat down on the bench.

"That isn't very much. Things don't add up, like why Beckett is in hospital and you're not. Come on Castle, I'm not the enemy here. I'm trying to get you out," he almost pleaded.

"I don't remember everything," Castle said slowly bringing both hands to his forehead, "Please, Ryan. I need to go see Kate. Please," he shut his eyes tightly.

"It's out of my hands. I'm sorry but you'll be here for at least a few more hours. I'm not trying to be the bad guy," Ryan said sympathetically before shaking his head and walking away.

"I promised I'd be there for her," he whispered to himself when Ryan was out of ear shot.

.

.

.

Castle spent a great deal of time during his late night staring at the large brick wall in front of him. He was exhausted but couldn't sleep. He could see daylight through the small window space in his cell and wondered how long he'd been in custody.

There was a loud crash behind him and he quickly turned around. Security was pulling keys out of the cell's lock on the door. Espo was standing there with Gates, neither of them showing any readable expressions.

The security guard left Gates and Espo alone with Castle.

"You're free to go," Espo said quickly with one raised eyebrow.

"What?" Castle asked as he squinted his eyes.

"Your story doesn't add up with the evidence. We have nothing to hold against you," Gates said, "You're free to go Mr Castle,"

"What about my confession? Does that count for nothing?" he asked aggressively.

"We have no evidence against you," Espo repeated Gates words before escorting Castle out of the cell.

"This doesn't make any sense," Castle looked at Espo who was trying to tell him something, non-verbally.

"Becke-" Espo tried to get a word in but Gates interrupted.

"What doesn't make sense is your story," Gates folded her arms and stared him down. He opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it when he looked at Javier's expression.

_Beckett. _He needed to see Kate; he needed to know how she was doing. Gates left Esposito to escort Castle out.

"Kate. How is she?" he asked as soon as Gates was gone. Espo swallowed. Castle tried hard to figure out what he was saying.

"Go and see her," Javi said quietly. He was looking at something from the corner of his, a security camera. "Go," he said again.

Kate was in danger and he needed to get her out.

.

.

.

A/N: Follow me on Twitter FFThre3 & let me know what you thought of this chapter because I am still unsure of whether or not I should continue this story. I know some people are OOC.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Castle

.

.

.

Nobody said it was easy. But no one ever said it would be this hard.

Kate unlocked the door with her key and walked in.

"Castle, I'm home," she said quickly, "where are you? You have a lot of explaining to do and you can't change…" she trailed off when she walked into the kitchen and saw what on the floor. A blood covered knife and footprints walking away from it.

Suddenly Kate heard movement from their bathroom, like water gushing loudly from a tap or from the shower head. She moved quickly towards the sound whilst at the same time following a trail of footsteps on the floor. When she got to the doorway, she tried to observe what was happening without letting the person know she was there.

She peered inside the bathroom and saw someone washing something. When she figured it was only Castle in there, her shoulders automatically relaxed and she went inside.

"Castle, what have you done? You're bleeding!" she exclaimed.

"Thanks but yelling doesn't exactly help," he replied calmly.

"Neither does washing it under water," she said in frustration. She moved closer to him in effort to help stop the bleeding.

"No Beckett, do not grab a towel. I swear-" before he could finish, she had already pressed the towel against the blood. "No, what are you doing? Those were monogrammed _and_ they were white!"

"Buy some new ones, I'm more concerned about this!" she said, pointing at his arm. "What did you do?"

"Well…Okay. I was making dinner and the floor was wet and I sort of slipped and dropped the knife. So I lunged for it and it…nipped my hand and arm," he explained with a cheeky grin.

"_Nipped_? You _nipped_ your arm?" she complained, "Not only did you practically slice your arm, you ruined my kitchen floor and left footprints everywhere," she said, slowly examining his injury.

"May I remind you that it is _our_ kitchen!?"

"Sure, whatever," Kate was too distracted with the cut across Castle arm.

"How's it looking?" he asked.

"You'll live. It's not good, but the blood makes it look worse than it really is. You'll need to go to the hospital for obvious reasons," she wrapped the towel around his arm and rolled her eyes.

"We'll also need to stop and buy more towels," he said with raised eyebrows.

"No need, I might just strangle you with those too," she chuckled, "Wait here, I'm gonna get some gauze for your arm."

"No it's fine. I have a _towel_," he yelled as she left.

"_Oh, everything's fine_," she mocked in a deep voice.

.

.

.

A/N: This chapter is not entirely finished; I have decided to make it a two-part chapter thingy. Have fun


	5. Chapter 5

This chapter is dedicated to KaticSezza because she never fails to make me smile, follow us on Twitter FFThre3 & KaticSezza

**A/N (Important, please read): In my last chapter, I failed to mention that time had passed (obviously) since the accident. I'm hoping that no one was confused; I didn't get any reviews telling me otherwise so I'm guessing no one was. This chapter is before the previous chapter. I know that sounds weird but all my stories are weird so just give me this…I realise that hardly anyone wants to read an angsty fic during the hiatus, everyone wants fluff. (Including me, believe it or not) But I have had this story in my head for quite some time and I feel like I should write it. If anyone would be interested in me continuing this fic after this chapter, please let me know, because there is way more to come after this. **

**This chapter took me weeks to write, so it may not flow the way it should. My apologies. **

Disclaimer: Don't Own Castle.

.

.

.

"_Go and see her," Javi said quietly. He was looking at something from the corner of his, a security camera. "Go," he said again. _

_Kate was in danger and he needed to get her out. _

.

.

.

Three Days Later

"Beckett…" Castle's voice echoed through Beckett's ears. He was calling to her, calmly. But everywhere she turned, she saw black nothingness.

"Castle, where are you?" she shouted into the darkness.

"Beckett." His voice was closer this time; she could hear him behind her.

"Castle," she sighed in relief and turned around.

A cold breeze brushed past her as she saw the grimace on his face.

"What have you done?" he asked coldly.

Beckett gulped, unsure of what he was referring to.

"The car accident?" she asked, referring to the night he took the blame for her hitting someone.

He looked down at the floor robotically.

Kate looked down at her hands, feeling something trickle down them.

It was blood. She gasped in horror.

"There's a reason they call you people _serial killers,_" someone's voice rang through her head. It wasn't Castle, but it was definitely a familiar voice.

"What!?" she looked up to Castle but he was gone.

…

Kate woke up with a horribly terrified gasp. She sat up in Castle's bed and looked at her hands, examining them as though she's never seen them before.

A noise came from outside the bedroom.

"Castle?" she yelled out.

"Yeah?" he hollered back.

"Uhmm…." she sighed in relief of the fact that he hadn't gone out on an errand and left her, "What time is it?" she asked, trying to think of something to say quickly.

"Nine…Thirty." He replied in hesitation.

She sighed on relief of the fact that it was only a dream. Beckett looked down at her hands again and shook her head, until it suddenly hit her.

_It was 9.30am_

"Why did you let me sleep in!?" she called out as she leapt up from the bed.

"Are you forgetting something?" he yelled back.

She paused in her rush around the bedroom. He shoulders relaxed in disappointment as she remembered she wasn't going to work anymore, not for a while at least.

"Stupid car crash," she muttered under her breath as she approached Castle in the kitchen.

She feigned a wide smile as he handed her a plate and gestured for her to take a seat.

"I don't see why I can't go to work. In case you haven't noticed, I am _a lot_ stronger than most people think," Kate said with raised eyebrows, picking up a fork.

"And modest too," he replied sarcastically.

"Oh ha ha."

Castle came round to stand next to Beckett. He rested his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him.

"You know what? You are definitely one of the strongest people I've ever known," he kissed her forehead and she smiled at him, a genuine smile. "But, you're still not going to work,"

"What?"

"You're not better, you can't go and I will not let you," he said sternly, yet softly at the same time.

"Castle, last time I checked, this was _my _life." She said in a familiar tone that she had used once before.

"Ding! Ding! Ding! Where have I heard that line before?" he turned away from her and continued making breakfast. "Kate, you do realise that you still can't remember what happened that night. You are unwell. Lanie still can't figure who drugged you, what they used to do it and how they got it into your coffee. Oh yeah, I almost forgot," he laughed sarcastically before continuing, "It's only been _five days_ since the accident!"

Kate pursed her lips in thought, sloughing in her chair as she took in what he had just said.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked suddenly.

"Did you honestly think you could go back to work after five days? You're lucky that none of your injuries are serious and you're out of the hospital. I was worried about you! How's your neck? Are you applying that weird cream-stuff the doctor prescribed for your neck?" Castle started lecturing and complaining, droning on and on about how Kate needed to treat her body like a temple.

"Castle, shut up. I meant what do you mean by _unwell_?" she squinted at him, giving him a certain look. Almost the same as the look she gave him when they first started dating and she thought he was embarrassed to be seen with her.

He gulped before responding, "Your neck injury, what else would I mean?"

"No, you meant something else. If you were talking about my neck, you would have said injury, but you said unwell. Now tell me what you meant," she shrugged as though it was no big deal.

He sighed and tried to think of a kind way of saying it.

"Boy, for a best-selling author, you're really not that great at finding words to say things when you need to," she laughed.

"Ok, fine. You've got me there. Look, Kate, it's hard for me to explain but don't take it the wrong way. Don't start doubting yourself and thinking you're weak,"

"Why would I think that?"

"Because of what happened that night," he reluctantly started to explain, "Which you don't remember. _Hence_ why you are not going into work for…a while."

"Why don't you just tell me?" she asked, her brow furrowed.

.

.

.

By noon…the couple had not yet finished their breakfast, though neither one of them actually continued consuming solid food. Castle slurped down juice and Beckett merely enjoyed his conversation. They were debating on the cover art of his next book, despite having already made a decision on what to do about it. Beckett had already told him her opinion but he refused to believe that it was her honest opinion.

"I think…wait. One sec," Castle said as he finished his glass of juice.

"You really can't get enough of that Apple and Blackcurrant juice, can you Castle?" Beckett laughed and began clearing the table. She grabbed the bottle of juice.

"No, wait," he reached for it, but spilt the bottle and dropped his glass in the process. A flash of red consumed Beckett's vision & now you basically just think about her being freaked out because she's thinking about the blood on her hands in her dream nightmare thing.

She gasped and turned away from the mess quickly. She covered her mouth with one hand.

"Kate, everything alright? You ok?" Castle asked as he picked up the sharp pieces of glass.

"Yes. I am. I can handle anything, I was shot in the chest," she shook her head and turned to face him once more.

"That's not something you…just _talk about,_" he replied.

"Castle, have you been shot in the chest?" she asked politely, too politely.

"No, but-"

"What?" she asked softly.

"But I was right there with you and have been since. I know that is not something _you_ _just_ _talk about_," he said with a slight frown.

"You wouldn't understand," she found herself looking down at her hands. Grabbing what remained of her breakfast; she moved into the kitchen and dropped everything in the sink. She swallowed he large lump in her throat and ran her hands under the running water in the sink. She gave a slight smile after washing her hands and handed Castle everything he needed to clean up the mess he had made.

"I have a few errands to run today and I don't think you'd be up to it," Castle stated as he mopped up the juice with everything Beckett had given him. She stood back and watched.

"And who are you to make that decision for me?" she asked in joking fashion.

"Your loving, kind, caring and ruggedly handsome…male…partner," he grinned.

"What exactly do you need to do?" she crossed her arms over her chest and raised one eyebrow.

"Look, don't worry about it, I'll be home before you know it," as Castle finished his sentence, he tried to stand up but hit his head on the table and knocked down his glass of juice onto the floor in one big shatter.

Beckett gasped moved backwards, clutching her stomach in pain. Something was wrong and she didn't know what.

"Damn it! Sorry Kate," he said as he moved away from the broken glass.

"It's fine," her voice broke as she tried to step away from everything. Flashes of her nightmare slipped in and out of focus in her head.

"I'll clean this up before I go, obviously." He smiled at her and began picking up the broken shards of glass.

"Rick, please be careful," she said, looking at the glass.

"I'll be fine. Could you please get me a dust buster,"

"Sure," she left quickly, eager to get away from the whole scene.

.

.

.

Once Castle had left, Beckett found the loft eerily quiet. She had spent hours already reading books from the wide selection he had in both his office and bedroom. She moved back into his bedroom o return and retrieve another book when she heard unfamiliar sounds and movement coming from somewhere in the loft. Kate came out the room and into an open area near the stairs, as to hear the noises clearer.

"Castle?" she called out, peering up the stairs and seeing nothing.

After receiving no response, Kate ignored what she had heard and walked back to the bedroom. She dismissed everything as her imagination and continued rummaging through his selection of texts.

While she had her back turned to the door, Kate began reading the blurb of one of his books. The loft became eerily quiet again and she felt like she was able to hear her own heartbeat…_and someone else's footsteps_.

"I knew you were home!" she smiled and turned to see who was standing behind her.

"Hello Detective." He stated sharply. It was Jerry Tyson. She gasped and stepped backwards out of instinct.

"How-" before she could finish he finished for her.

"Oh it's not that hard to break in here. This place really isn't as secure as you think. Oh and it really isn't hard to find out where people live either," he shrugged and smirked.

"What about the bridge? I shot you and you fell off. You should be dead." she frowned and tried to remain stern with him.

"Oh _that_? But that was so long ago. I thought you were referring to your most recent encounter with a bridge and a car crash. Oh but how were you to know that it was my car you had ran off the bridge?" he looked up into the air, as though he was in deep thought.

Beckett was at a loss for words. Everything was because of him and it was too much for her to take in. She breathed in, trying to avoid showing weakness on her face as her stomach ached in searing pain.

"What's the matter? Cat, got your tongue?" he chuckled and walked out of Castle's bedroom. Beckett followed him, eyeing the place where her phone lay. Not knowing what else to do, she figured she needed to call someone.

She opened her mouth to say something , maybe even to ask something.

"What else could you possibly have to say after taking in all that new information?" he asked, pointing to his head.

"Get. Out." She said slowly and quietly.

"You're forgetting, I'm in charge here," he replied with a sick smile. He pulled out his gun and pointed it at her chest.

"You wouldn't kill me," she said strongly, "It's not your M.O. It's not who you are."

"And this pathetic, sad little weak link is not who _you_ are or not who you used to be. See, people _can_ change," he smiled at her once more and slowly began walking towards the door, "As time may have it, I do have to leave. I don't want to, what with all the fun learning and the bond we were making."

She eyed him as he moved to the door, preparing to grab her cell as soon as he left.

"I know what you're going to do as soon as I'm out of this door. I'm not blind. Your phone is right over there," he pointed at it by jerking his head to one side, "But don't bother. I've got a special machine that knocks out cell phones. Even when you try calling 911. Pretty nifty eh?"

He opened the door slowly and bolted so fast that Beckett was still unsure what had happened. She grabbed her cell and followed him. But by the time she was out of the loft and out of the building, he was gone. The entire time she had spent chasing him, she had been trying 911 and Castle's number repeatedly but he had been telling the truth…_perhaps about everything._

.

.

.

After explaining everything that had happened with the break in and calling the police, nobody believed except Castle, due to lack of evidence. She even found Castle doubting her at times. But how else was she to prove what had happened.

Days later, Kate found herself experiencing her nightmare over and over again with one minor detail changing each time. The voice. That voice that continuously called her a serial killer became louder and overpowering. She'd wake up and feel clammy or would never get back to sleep and this nightmare was affecting her waking life in more ways than one.

As the water gushed out the tap and onto her hands, she viciously pumped soap into her palm and scrubbed her hands together, aggressively.

She stared down into the sink and stopped for a moment, staring herself down in her mirror. As tears slowly welled up in her eyes, she turned the tap off and turned away from her own reflection. She heard footsteps approaching the bathroom.

Quickly wiping away her tears, she suddenly felt the need to wash her hands again. Turning the tap on again, she couldn't understand why they felt unclean.

The tears began free flowing from her eyes again as he opened the door.

"Kate?" he asked as the door slowly swung open to a distraught Beckett.

She fell over the bathroom counter top in a sobbing mess.

"Kate? What are you doing?" he quickly pulled her up away from the sink and faced her towards him. Her eyes blood shot from the tears.

She gave him a slight frown and looked down at her hands, which were still wet. He slowly pulled himself away from her and she stood still. Completely still, staring into the distance, she breathed slowly.

Castle stood by the sink and watched her in the reflection of the mirror; it was like she was another world.

To Kate, this reality didn't exist. She didn't want this reality.

"What's going on?" he asked her, suddenly breaking the silence. Turning away from the mirror, he tried to make her look at him. He tried to examine her facial expression, trying to understand what it was that she was going through.

But Kate was so taken by what had happened to her so quickly and how it changed her, how it changed her life.

"I want to _understand_." He said gently, slowly moving closer to her side.

She was lost in a world of thoughts about her car accident, about her on going nightmares.

"If you stop shutting everyone out, we can help you. Don't even try telling me you don't need help. First you started with hand wash, carrying it around with you everywhere. You won't stop washing your hands…I-I don't know what happened. _Please_, talk to me!" he pleaded with her.

She looked at him with a blank expression on her face.

"This isn't like you Kate," he said quietly.

"This is nothing like me… Distract me, Castle. Take me away from here. I need to get away from this place! I just want to leave. I don't need this, I want it gone!" she blurted everything out all at once.

"What? What are you talking about?" he asked her, looks of concern in his eyes.

"I don't need this stress, this constant worry! I can't handle this pressure. I never thought I'd hear myself saying this to anyone but I cannot handle this pressure. I can't deal with this obsession," she held her hands up to him.

"Kate-" he tried to hold her but she stopped him.

"Stop it Castle. This isn't me, it's not who I am," she broke free of him and began pacing.

"I know and I want to help you,"

"You can't begin to understand what this is like. You can't help me!" she found her voice rising to a yell, 'If this is Kate Beckett. I don't want to be her!"

She covered half her face with one hand and tried calming down.

"You don't get it." She said sharply.

"I do. Or I want to. You need to be ok," he said in an understanding fashion.

She began shaking her head slowly.

"I need to be free."

.

.

.

**A/N**: Is that a yes or no to continuing this fic? Please let me know! X


End file.
